This is Why
by Myde the Turk
Summary: ...Turks and SOLDIERs shouldn't share a locker room. T for the fact that it's in a locker room.


This is Why

This is why Turks and First Class SOLDIERS shouldn't share a common locker room. Weeeelll, there's two locker rooms, one for girls, the other for the guys. Since there's so few of both, they have one locker room. 2nd, 3rd and grunts have like five altogether.

Warnings: Guys in showers, mentions of Turk violence, language

_**DIS**_claimer. That says it all.

* * *

"Chaos, Reno, don't f—kin do that. That _hurts_ you asshole," Myde ((is pissed)) growled, getting the redhead next to him to stop poking him. Sensing the evil coming off the teen from Kalm ((Ironic, no?)), Reno started walking on the other side of Tseng.

"Language, Valentine," Tseng said.

"Oh, hell no. A couple blows to the head would do him some good and –"

PAUSE HERE FOR A SECOND!!!!!!!!!!! ((hits pause button))

Okay, here's why Myde's being such a douche – him and Rod just got back from a mission and they got the shit beat out of them _during_ said mission. Of course, the guys who they were supposed to assassinate ended up dead, so it wasn't a _complete_ failure. Cissnei had taken one look at Rod and Turk-napped him and left poor concussed Myde to the rest of the Turks' clutches.

How did he get concussed? Thrown into a wall and dropped on his head. Of course, the guy who did it to him was easily three times his size, since Myde's scrawny little thing that hasn't had a major growth spurt yet.

He's also fighting a major headache that the cure materia left behind. Cure3 VS. Concussion = loser: Myde.

Okay, I think that's enough of an explanation. ((hits play button))

"Who the hell are they?" SOLDIER spotting is a good sport.

"First class SOLDIERs; I'm surprised that you didn't recognize Sephiroth, Myde," Reno teased.

"Don't tease him Reno. I'm sure the only reason he's not trying to kill you is because he's in pain and has no weapons on him," Tseng said, pushing open the door to the locker room.

"The no weapons part is a lie, Tseng. I've got a splitting headache and would like nothing more than to get a shower and go to bed." Myde pulled of his jacket and shirt with difficulty and Reno whoa-ed. "How bad is it?" Before, he could _feel_ the bruise forming. He was sure his back looked a big purple mess.

"Nasty, yo. Don't move." Reno grabbed a Cure materia and used it, making the big purple mass slightly smaller. "_Chroist_."

"_Ja_," Myde agreed.

"What've we told you two about not using Common?" Tseng said, tapping them both. Myde winced in pain and Reno jumped. "Valentine, you're not sleeping until Doc has okay-d you as fit. (_Myde: Asshole!_) Language."

* * *

Time to bug the SOLDIERs.

"Angeal, you should be glad that's not permanent. Your hair will be fine," Genesis said, trying not to laugh. Somehow, Sephiroth was managing a straight face. The auburn haired First Class noticed the three Turks. "Okay, I recognize Tseng, but who are the other two?"

"Valentine and Sinclair, probably," Sephiroth replied. He wasn't watching. He didn't care either. One of the lab assistants had gotten something green and sticky all over him and he wanted it _off_. Some kind of materia they were testing burned most of Angeal's hair, and Genesis was _amused_. As in, cat that ate the canary amused.

"It is." Angeal deadpanned. The three SOLDIERs walked into the locker room. Myde was leaning against a locker, without a shirt on, groaning.

He would have raised his eyebrows at the sight of Tseng and Reno wincing over Myde's bruises, but he had no eyebrows. They were singed off.

Genesis picked his way through Turk and SOLDIER uniforms to talk to the three. He came back with a thoughtful look on his face. "More enemies than he expected. Not a total screw up. Then he said, 'get the hell away from me before I shoot your ass' before leaning against the locker. Scratch that, he collapsed. Goddess bless his poor mortal soul."

The other two ignored the last comment, as well as the feeling of being watched. They watched, however, as the two redheads smirked at each other, each grabbing a bucket or something of the sort.

"What do you think they're doing?" Tseng asked, dragging Myde along with him to stand next to the shirtless SOLDIERs.

"No idea, don't want to know." Sephiroth finished stripping and stepped towards the showers when he was _assaulted_ by _two half-dressed redheads with buckets of soap_. ((Now we know what they were up to)) Said redheads then bodily threw him into the showers. Two of the remaining forces paled and tried to run for it. They also got attacked with buckets of soap and thrown bodily into the showers. The third force had fallen asleep on his feet and was thusly spared the torment. Reno and Genesis laid him down on Sephiroth's cloak and covered him with Genesis's. ((Can you guess who it was?))

* * *

"Guys, this is better than anything we can get on Shinra Cable!" said one security guard.

"Aw, look, they wrapped that hurt Turk up in their coats, how cute!" another squealed. Let's just say that the security guards have nothing better to do everyday than supply incriminating footage to the Turks and/or SOLDIERs. Seriously. They have nothing better to do. That and reorganize the security system every two days, forcing the Turks to make sure it works. So far, they haven't been able to catch Myde and Reno when they work together.

I kinda feel bad for the so-called crack Security force. –snorts– Its more likely they're on crack.

Anyway, enough rambling. The Security guys made copies of that video, complete with subtitles and instant replays.

They were going to make a killing off these videos by selling them to the fan clubs.

* * *

Oh my god… the crack. Now I feel… ya know what? I don't' care, cause it's 11 here and I gotta go to bed. Not that I'm tired… I kinda am hence the pseudo-crack.


End file.
